Simply Not Simple

My friend passed away on Tues

leaving behind a wife and 7 kids.  He had the kindest, gentlest soul I have ever met and the world is at a loss by his leaving.  I've just been devastated, which doesn't make sense because I haven't even really seen him in 18 years, but then I realized that someone who touches your heart so deeply can never truly be gone.  And those 7 fatherless children?  I can't even bear to think about it.

I'm so deeply saddened.  I probably won't write much for a little while.  I need to try and be as supportive as possible to a friend who was very close to him and has had some bad turns in her own life.

Nauseous and crushed- that about explains my feelings.

I found out yesterday one of my friend's from elementary through high school is dying

from cancer and he wasn't expected to last through the night last night.  I don't know yet if he survived the night.  He had 4 or 5 kids and was one of the sweetest, most humble and thoughtful people I've ever met in my life.  I don't remember him ever getting angry or talking bad about anyone. He has such a kind soul and it's just not fair.

Also, our best friend's (J's) dad possibly has pancreatic cancer. They found out earlier this week, but don't have any definitive answers yet.  His wife (K), also one of my best friends, lost her mother to an aneurism over the summer.

I  just feel so guilty for all the griping I do, because I have never been in these situations and know I'm very lucky for what I do have.

It's a sad day here.

I have a trip to the neurologist today

Hopefully I'm not declared insane because of Simpson hallucinations.  If her magic ball can't see that is what happened during the EEG, I definitely don't think I'll tell her.

I don't know if these results will show if there are effects from my tumor, but I'm kinda half hopeful there is a reason beyond pure clumsiness for my constant falling and walking into walls.  And no, that reason is not alcohol.  My head might hurt less if it was.  Well, I guess until a hangover kicked in anyway.  I've had the same dang headache for 2 weeks, hopefully at least I will get help with that.

Sometimes I hate living in this conservative republican state

I have to admit I usually vote republican but this year, to me, republican was not an option.  I see so much hope today on message boards and on other people's blogs about Obama's election and I believe that a change from the GOP was definitely warranted.

But my children and in-laws were so brainwashed by church and school that a lot of people are wearing black today because "they are in mourning for our country."   No, seriously they are.  It's insane that these people are SO narrow minded that they vote for one party blindly. 

My own children were horrified that I would even consider voting democrat.  How could they have learned this narrow mindedness?  And please, someone tell me why in the hell the CHURCH was the biggest thing influencing my children?  I'm pretty sure separation of church and state is supposed to go both ways.

Sorry, I'm done.

Is it weird to be friends with your children's girlfriends/boyfriends?

Because my friends think it's insane that they text me and like to spend time with me.  Kelsie's current boyfriend doesn't have anything to do with our family and that bothers me.  Her summer boyfriend would text me and come over and spend time with the whole family.  I don't expect every person they date to actually become that invested in my family, but I like when they do.  It gives me a sense of security to know that they will tell me things my own kids won't.  Am I just fooling myself that they really do like us?

Also, is it weird? I am not a typical parent by any means and have always spoken to my children as not exactly equals, but as someone I feel is worth my time and understanding.  I definitely do not speak down to them and have never lied to them about anything they've asked me,  even when the answers are not something I am not proud of.   I have friends who just can't comprehend that I would be so honest or that I would actually want to text my son's seventh grade girlfriend.  I think it's just me.  What do you think?  I had a student comment once on the teacher evaluations that I "thought I was in high school".  I'm pretty sure I don't think that since I graduated 17 years ago!

I guess I'm just asking how much closeness is normal with people outside the family?  I know there is no normal, but today is a day for second guessing myself.  I'm sure you've had those days.

I tried my big "Biscuit" post, but

it got eaten and I got frustrated.  I will just put one of my favorite pics of him on here and let you know my dog is an amazing soccer player.  He may be better at soccer than Bear was at tetherball.  Unfotunately the poor baby wore out his pads today on the pavement so he won't be allowed to play soccer in the front yard any more. 

Here's one of the pics I will post later of Biscuit doing Schutzhund protection work and one day, the shining post will appear.  Unless of course it gets lost again.

So, you tell me...

Is it sad that our administrative assistant took me out to lunch today simply because I came to work?

Hmmm, it seems to say quite a lot about my recent work habits.

The giveaway is still open. Feel free to submit another name.

so far Pamela's B-9 is my favorite.  I like the Bob/Blob variations, but my father in law is named Bob and I don't think of him as a benign person.  He's sort of in between.  Sometimes he's nice, quiet and not a racist, sexist pig, but most of the time he is.  During the fun times he can be a total ass.   He literally bitched at me for about an hour after Gib shaved his head completely bald (because he was on his was to looking like George Costanza).  "Why would you let him do that?  What were you thinking?  "Now he looks old", etc.  Finally I snapped and said "Because Bob, he's a skinhead."  SO you see why it would not have a very good conotation for me.

So please, if you've entered, feel free to enter again.  Or tell your friends about me, even though I don't know what the prize is and hopefully it doesn't suck.

Sleep deprived and hallucinating

All in all, not fun.  I had an EEG on Fri and I was supposed to get 5 hours of sleep the night before so that I was sleep deprived, but unfortunately I couldn't sleep at all. I couldn't stop worrying about everything I possibly could.  I remembered one of our dog club members telling me about how her dog died when it's collar got twisted in the crate so I got up at 2 AM to take the collars off my dogs.  I then sat in the kennel with them and the darn dogs went to sleep.  The same two dogs who never even sit down, much less sleep.  I couldn't even get canine companionship in the middle of the night.  I worried about everything else until it was time to get up and then had to go teach a class of spastic college freshman.  By the time I had the EEG at 3:30 I was falling asleep every time I blinked my eyes.

During the strobe light portion of the EEG I saw Homer and Bart Simpson swirling around the inside of  my eyelids.Then there were  rainbow lights and puppies.  Then I began imagining that the electrodes attached to my head were transmitting my thoughts to aliens in our atmosphere. 

I came home and went to sleep at 7:30 and got up at 8 the next morning.

I think it's a REALLY good thing I don't do drugs, no telling what I'd share with those aliens.

And I did NOT enjoy the ride at all. 

I have even less understanding of my drug abusing family now, and I don't think I've ever been more happy about that.

Hey guys! My tumor does not have to be named after the Simpsons

feel free to use your wonderful brains and hilarious senses of humor to give this stupid thing a good name,  I won't know anything until my next MRI in Feb.

I think I'll make this my first giveaway, although I don't know what yet.  For those of you in my previous give-away that never got given anything, I'm sorry.  Blame depression, airheadedness and children who have an unerring nose for chocolate (and no self-discipline to keep their hands off it).  This one is for real.